dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
