it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
