: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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