I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
