I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
