this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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