We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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