I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
