Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
