my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
