I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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