You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
