Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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