When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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