and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
