I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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