I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
