I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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