I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
