she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
