HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
