I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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