Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
