I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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