my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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