the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
