Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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