My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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