she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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