im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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