if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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