Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Congratulations! We have a period
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
