he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
