I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
