Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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