i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
