Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
