My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
