remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
