1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Someone shit on the floor
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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