Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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