I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
