I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
