I need help removing her.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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