i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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