Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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