party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
