Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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