I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
