You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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