He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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