rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
