she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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