Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize