Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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