I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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