vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
