Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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