Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
