I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
