stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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