we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
