Kiss
Puke
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
