Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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