I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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