Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
