that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
