does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
