I love black thongs
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
