i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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